Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
