Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
