Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
