if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
