look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize
