Will you blow on my dice?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
