Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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