is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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