is your mom at the bar?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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