What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
