you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
