This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You're like the curious george of whores
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
