no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
