our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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