i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
did you just send me my own nude
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
