Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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