Do you still have your period?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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