I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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