____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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