I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
