I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You were trust falling into bushes
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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