so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
