I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
