I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
