Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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