a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
