You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
