at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
