I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
