Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
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