i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
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