p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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