I only kidnapped one of them. chill
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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