I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
