If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize