Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's blow job season.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
