Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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