I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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