I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I checked into jail on foursquare
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
