she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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