I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
