i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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