where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
