what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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