my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
They took my balls.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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