I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
