Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
