I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
