I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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