It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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