well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
