Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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