Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize