well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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