found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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