i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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