every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
