Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
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