So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
