hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
