Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
