if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
