it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
