Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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