Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize