I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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