Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
