meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
