Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
