things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
