I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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