hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
