what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
