Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize