Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize