so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
