she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
