im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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