Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
