First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
