At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He shit in the fireplace
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