Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Damn victory sex feels great
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
