I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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