Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
