omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
