Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
